Don’t Use a Search Engine, Just Ask Yahoo! Answers

hmmmmm?

For the past year or so I have used a service on Yahoo.com called Yahoo! Answers.  Basically you can ask any question of the Yahoo community, give a short explanation, and within a couple of minutes you get several answers.  Sometimes this can be a great way to get rediculously serious answers to your stupid problems that could otherwise be solved using a search engine.  Now I am not quite certain if you can call me an internet troll for this but I like to ask risky  and completely false questions.  In fact most of the time my questions get flagged very fast, especially questions dealing with Justin Bieber.  Yes most of the individuals answering/asking on this site are middle school girls but you never know who or what will come about from sharing your problems.  Here are a few questions that I have posted using the psuedonym Martin Shanginski. After each question are some of my favorite answers. Please keep in mind that these are satirical and meant for comedic purposes only.  If you don’t have a sense of humor just don’t even read on.

Alligators getting bigger PLEASE HELP:(?

A couple of months a ago I bought a baby crocodile from a street vendor in LA’s fashion district. I kept it in a fishtank for awhile but then it got bigger so i kept it in a small kiddy pool in the studio of my studio apartment. Now in the last month or so it resides in the bathtub. It has gotten so large in the last month its like exponential. Should i flush it? Its been getting in fights with my iguana and all it does is hiss loudly at me when I feed it Sam’s Club chicken breasts. Should I flush it?
 
Tim D wrote: You could attempt to sell via the net, or offer it to a zoo, gator farm or college biology department. If you can’t handle it safely anymore, there must be animal control people down there. It’s surely too big by now to be flushed; I don’t think you were serious about that. 🙂

 
diskitty wrote: sold ill gve u £75 cash hands no questions yooooooooooooooooo

 

My cat Snickers got in a fight with a large squirrel and she is foaming at the mouth hours later?

Snickers is reminding me a lot of the dog that got bit by disease infested zombies from the future in ‘ I am Legend’. Shes also acting kind of like that guy in Spiderman that gets bit by a spider. Do you think she has a super strand of rabies engineered by irresponsible scientists? or did she get injected with highly toxic squirrel venom, also known as HTSV, and she is now becoming a squirrel-cat or Scrat? or is this just where squirrels come from?
 
Frankie wrote: Rabies takes days to manifest. not hours. Take your cat to a vet to be quarantined. they will keep the cat and monitor it for about ten days. if your cat shows symptoms of rabies, they will have to put it to sleep. Your assumptions are really childish. take the cat to a vet.

 
My reply:  Thank you. i took your advice and had my cat put down at the vet first thing this morning. I’m kind of sad snickers is gone but happy because i have a lot extra dry cat food to feed to the squirrels.
 

My dog Snickers ate a Snickers and is puking uncontrollably?

I induced vomitting with syrup of ipicac which made things worse cause now all he does is vomit and won’t stop. The vet is not an option because I spent all my money on syrup of ipicac and Snickers candy bars. what should i do???!!!
 
I Know Everything wrote: Let him puke it up- that’s a good thing.

 
Ezio Auditore wrote: you shouldn’t feed him chocolate or anyhthing like tthat!!!!!!!! chocolate is poison for animals, if you feed them chocolate, they’ll die!!!!

 
S Z wrote: You have a cat AND a dog named Snickers?? wow, must get confusing at your place

 

I think I got my girlfriend pregnant on purpose and now I have some regrets?

Last night I was afraid my girlfriend was going to dump me so i poked a hole in a condom with a pin and busted a nut inside of her. I got the idea from a Weeds episode I watched with my mom. I am really scared and confused right now. I’m only 13 and shes 16. please help!!!!
 
Brian wrote:  Wow homie ima tell u straight up im goin thru problems right now hoping that my woman aint pregnant and a baby is sumthin you dnt want at ur age so if shes pregnant you can thank the weeds episode so you ****** up big time my friend and im not tryna sound mean im being real right now your life will change b4 your eyes if you got that girl pregnant

 
Terra wrote: If i could, i’d like to slap you right now. Whats done is done! Now you got to wait a month to find out.

 
thisGirl wrote: if i were that girl, id really be pissed
nice going jerk
you could ruin her life and yours both
where’s your common sense? geez

 
Elizabet wrote: deal with the consequences jerk.

 
ace of hearts wrote: tell her the truth. i hope she slaps the shitt outta you o_O

 
Bunny wrote: Good job, jerk.

 
Sarah wrote: plan b my friend, and this is the best most ive seen haha

 

What is a discreet way to spy on kids in the park?

already tried a box with three holes cut in it
 
Variable 46 wrote: How about from inside a jail cell.

 
John wrote:  You could purchase a ghilly suit and hide among some bushes…works well most of the time.
Or purchase a van and make it look like an ice cream truck, then spy on kids from the van.
You could install a small spy camera near the playground…that’d be expensive though.
If nothing works, just call my friend P. Edo Bear. He’s a genius!

Source(s):Personal Experience

myeatyou wrote: Hide in the fiberglass crocodile!!!

Sean Brady wrote:  just try it i dare u.
ill be ontop of u so hard and fast ull forget wat planet u live

Happy Posting!

 
 

2011- The Year of the Pepper Spray

My first experience with pepper spray was a couple of years ago at an underage drinking party. It was at my friend Jake’s house and he had a bunch of people over on a Friday night for no reason other than a few cases of Miller High Life (do you call them ‘Lives” in this case?). Anyways I was sitting in an easy chair in the corner of his parents’ basement and to the right of me was a bookcase. Right next to the Book of Mormon was a strange  looking object that was black with a red top. I thought it was some sort of pocket knife but a style I had never seen before, so i picked it up and examined it. It wasn’t a knife, after further examination, but appeared to be some sort of cologne. I released the safety on accident and as I pressed the button a friend of mine ran at me and yelled “NO CALVIN! THAT’S….”, but it was too late, I had already released a small cloud of pepper spray and he ran right into it. He hit the floor in a coughing fit and puked a tiny little bit conveniently a few inches a way from the basement’s drain. I was a bit scathed by the cloud as well because I couldn’t stop sneezing for the next ten minutes. Needless to say the basement erupted with laughter.
This year has been quite a year for pepper spray as well. With all of the protests and civil unrest that has occurred, cops can’t help but get crazy with the stuff. Sure they could just beat the hell out of everybody that stands in their way but that would take effort and there are only so many doughnut eating hours in one day. So pepper spray is a more efficient method for getting rid of a crowd students or a mob of occupiers that just won’t leave. Of course this is completely legal and God knows we don’t really need excessive force to deal with civil disobedience. However there has been some backlash to the spraying and some new ethical questions about who, when, and how you spray. In Seattle a 19 year old pregnant woman and an 84 year old woman got sprayed during an Occupy protest, dramatic pictures ensued and they became instant martyrs for the movement. Also at UC Davis in California a group of student Occupiers seated somewhere on the campus lawn were doused with pepper spray by UC Davis Police Lt. John Pike. With photographers everywhere the officer’s actions went viral on the internet and John Pike’s character became a MEME. His MEME is one of my personal favorites because there is no end to what he will spray next. I especially like the ones where he is spraying figures in famous paintings or spraying extremely vulnerable individuals.  He has become the ultimate symbol of police laziness and negligence. Instead of spending all that time zip cuffing each and every one of the students, bringing them down to the station and filling out all that cumbersome paperwork, lets just spray them all in about two minutes and send them home crying. There was a lot of outrage over these incidents, as if police had never done this sort of thing before. However, I say get real, its been happening for years. They used to throw canisters of tear gas. Since the sixties protestors half way expect to get brutalized, why do you think these cases were documented so well? I really wasn’t surprised by an old woman getting bombed in the face and I wasn’t surprised either when students who were sitting down for an Occupy picnic got a mass spray. Police relish the opportunity to deal with these sorts of things, that is why they got into the business in the first place. Do you think they enjoy it when there is nobody in need of a good macing? I rest my case.

Tell me he isn't trying to hold back a huge grin.

I Live in the Woods Now…

Since I finished school in May 2011 I have struggled to figure out what I am going to do with my life.For reasons that cannot be full explained at this time I have taken up living in the woods as a precautionary safety net. I’ve finally gotten wireless internet access in my stick and tarp dwelling somewhere near Wausau deep in the forests of Northern Wisconsin and this has been my first blog post since living here all summer. The locals here are very friendly but apprehensive at first during my arrival. They’ve shown me how to live off of the land in exchange for stories about what Milwaukee is like. They call Milwaukee “The Big Place from the Before Time”. For those who may be wondering why exactly I have chosen to live so far away I would like to say simply that I am on the run from some unsavory characters. In the last few months of school I came across a secret that has remained hidden for centuries. I can only tell you that it has to do with the Medici family and their unprecedented success and I was too loud about my discovery. Somebody in the area found out that I uncovered this secret and tipped off men that would kill me if thy could only catch me. These secrets will be revealed soon in a three part report on dumpybitch.com, a safe haven for my blogging enterprises. Please realize that I am ok here in the woods and that this short leave of absence will end soon when everything is revealed. I would like to take the time right now in case I don’t make it through this plight that I deeply love all of you who have followed my artwork as well as my various blogs on the internet. Your support has always been heartwarming and an inspiration. In these dark times its been a joy to see this support once again after three long months without much contact from the outside world. I hope to see you all again soon. Peace and Love From the Cave in the Woods.
-Calvin

%Proxy-Connection: keep-alive
Cache-Control: max-age=0

Artist Interview #3: Buck Weber

Recently I had the chance to visit with a real living treasure, nationally known painter and Waukesha native Buck Weber! Weber is known for his skill at copying photographs exactly the way they look. He calls himself a fauvist impressionist, a tradition that is really old! Weber paints The Packers, The Brewers, horses, portraits of children, portraits of old people, no nudes or fruit, flowers, farmers, bicycles, NASCAR, cottages, landscapes, Waukesha hotspots, the Pope that died, the new Pope, African Americans playing jazz in energized atmospheres of color, what things may have looked like in Victorian times, images that look kind of like Windows clip-art, images that could be used in advertising, images that kind of look like Windows clip-art and could be used in advertising, Disney characters, and of course self-portraits. I sat down with this nationally recognized artist for a fun little chit-chat about his work!

Weber painting in his studio

Cw: So as one of the first artists from Waukesha to have his own website…
Bw: Let me just stop you right there Calvin, for a moment, if you would, and let me just say it is an honor to be here today. By some miracle I sit before you because I was terminally ill and was given 6 months to live by doctors. When I was in the hospital waiting to die, I picked up paint and brush for the first time and found a real magical connection. Like Harry Potter in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, magic flowed out of my paint wand and out onto my canvases. I had realized I wasted my whole life away promoting other people’s products when I should have been promoting my own. When I found out later that I wasn’t going to die I decided to take on painting as my new career and not paint about the experience I had at all. Every Sunday I pick up my brushes, paints, canvases, easels, painter’s tape, jars of mediums, palette, palette knives, rubber gloves and I paint, every Sunday.

Cw: Every Sunday?
Bw: Every Sunday, right after Church. I have a new lease on life.

Cw:
So this brush with death, it was pretty recent?
Bw: Yes it was about 15 years ago.

Weber's portrait of that Pope that died recently.

Cw: Wow, so tell me a little about your method of painting.
Bw: Well first I think about what I should paint. Sometimes it helps if I look at trees in a field or look at flowers really up close. If that doesn’t spark up any inspiration I’ll watch one of my favorite sports teams on TV. Occasionally I’ll type in ‘painting’ on Google images and see what I can find out on there. My final and last resort, and this is kind of a trade secret so don’t include this within the article. (whispers) I look through stock photography catalogs for some hints. Then after I have an idea going I go shopping for materials. I usually buy ever color that I need to create my painting because I strive to remain true to the impressionist motto which is ‘use color straight from the tube………….every time’. I usually buy a lot of ‘skin’ color for people’s skin. I also work big, around 8” by 10” typically. This size helps me create my world renowned moody atmospheres. My signature, of course, is the most important part of any of my paintings but can only be applied at the end. This must take up at least 1/8 of the painting to get some name recognition going. Finally I slap a business card in the corner just in case the viewer missed the signature. I’ll then make like three more of the same painting but with different colors in case somebody liked the original but wanted a blue one or something. When I display them I’ll make a laminated informational sheet and place it next to my new series. The placard will have a picture of myself painting the paintings as well as explaining my brush with death and pretty much everything I just told you now.

Cw: Speaking of death, some critics of the rogue Waukesha art scene have said that ‘If painting really is dead then Waukesha is the graveyard’. How would you respond to this?
Bw: If they’re right then I’m the Grim Reaper. Haha, just kidding (laughs). No, but really the Waukesha art scene and its artists are doing wonderful. I ’m represented by 4 galleries in downtown alone. I show in the Oldcunt gallery, The Pottery Hut, Beadworld, and Frameluck’s ‘Framing gallery with Frames’. Also Last fall on the PBS auction several of my colleagues and I decided to put our stuff out there for sale so we could be seen on TV in case anybody happened to miss us in downtown Waukesha. The people at PBS were so delighted by our work that they they decided to send Midwestern stand-up comedian and Time Warner Cable State Fair Tent Slave John McGivern to feature us in next month’s Arts Digest, a new PBS show about the arts in Wisconsin.

John McGivern...

Cw: So what have you been up to lately?
Bw: Well I just finished a commission in a new movie theater where I printed some murals.

Cw: Wait, printed murals?
Bw: Yeah, originally they wanted me to paint some large-scale murals for the inside of their main entrance vestibule and the lounge but I didn’t really know how to go about doing that. Plus it takes me like three years to paint one of my normal paintings because again I only paint on Sundays. So instead of doing the murals I painted mini-murals and had the movie theater just print them off large-scale and stick them up. Cool huh? I also recently painted the Brewers LIVE in the baseball stadium. That’s right, I went out of my element and into the Brewer’s world and I painted them LIVE, on the scene, in plain air, just like the impressionists. It sure was hard but I got some great action paintings, you can really sense the energy emanating from the colors I used in my work.

One of Weber's Brewers paintings painted LIVE

Cw: So whats next for you Buck?
Bw: Well it seems like the next logical move for me is to start painting dogs. I recently saw a show of photography called “Dogs” at the Waukesha Historical Museum that featured photographs of dogs. I felt really inspired by these photos and I’ve realized no one’s every really thought about capturing a dog’s true personality in a painting. So thats my next challenge! (laughs)

Artist Interview #2- Ben Miller

Ben Miller is an interdisciplinary artist living and working in Milwaukee, WI. He is also co-curator of 62nd dimension with Cody Frei, a guerrilla gallery that pops up in spaces throughout Milwaukee. Ben Miller takes inspiration from his hyper-emotional drawings and creates videos, live performances, and prints that defy conventional art-making in search of an authentic and genuine artist’s narrative. I decided to catch-up with Ben in a non-threatening manner through an email interview.

CW:Who or what are your influences and what do they do for you and your work?
BM: Right now… The writing and films of Alejandro Jodorowsky, tarot, Robert Wyatt, dreams, Carlos Castaneda, snow, visualization, Bob Dylan’s Christmas album, and the chants of Maria Sabina. I enjoy things that keep themselves a few steps ahead of me, things that have me in a state of wonder-fun-confoundedness. A healthy diet of laughter is an influence. Just now, “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” popped up on itunes shuffle. That’s nice, too.

CW:When I first met you and your artwork I immediately thought you were trying to reveal the embarrasing, secretive, and repulsive aspects of becoming an adolescent or being human. I thought it was it was your intent to display them as admirable, beautiful, or just as valid in importance as any other human activity that usually gets more attention in traditional art concepts. As our friendship continued I observed a shift in your work when you started to use the computer to make drawings, prints, and video work. Then it appeared as if your work was arranged by some highly spiritual being. More of your work began to occupy liminal space in between God and man like it was Hercules or something. Can you talk about this observation and maybe about how you perceived this change and what caused it?
BM: I’d say that adolescent is good word for those older works. I see them as being on the same level as a bored kid putting a bag of flaming dog poop down everyone’s chimney on Easter Sunday. The shift in the work happened because the kid got tired of climbing all those chimneys and his dog ran away and he got a new puppy.
Hercules is a fun way to put it. You could say it’s between God and man, or you could say it’s between irrationality and rationality, both aspects living simultaneously–somewhat paradoxically–in the same container. There are some questions, that the more you try to demystify them, the blurrier they become. Experiences that can be grasped on one level while at the same time making no sense on another level.
In my recent makings I’ve been tinkering with creating places, beings, and objects that are amorphous in essence, in which their qualities and relation to their seemingly separate surroundings becomes foggy and evasive of definition. A perpetual state of becoming. Shedding each new skin even before it is done growing.

CW:Your recent drawings have become especially minimal in their marks as well as extremely unmonumental, what is the motivation and in intention behind this shift?


BM:
It can be fun to go hiking, howling, and running around in the woods. It can also be nice–and equally fulfilling–to quietly stare at a single plant or rock. Minimal drawings happen when I feel more like staring at a rock.

CW:I’ve seen a couple of your musical/performative live experiences before and they are definitely not unlike your drawings or videos. However, they differ because the performances are striving to encapsulate a large group of people collectively in an experience and an atmosphere whereas your videos and drawings seem separated from the viewer and seem to be artifacts of the artists unknown experience. Why this difference?


BM: My drawings are like an old man in a loin cloth sitting next to a tree by the side of a dirt path. You could sit down with him and listen to him for hours or you could just as easily glance past him. The performances are more immediately visceral, they have a more physical immensity. I love it when an artwork, music, or a film is so large or I am so close to it or so wrapped up in it that it almost envelopes my entire periphery and nearly shuts out my awareness of everything else, when the gap between the piece and me is lessened. Performances can lend themselves toward this.

CW:How does your studio practice lend itself to your curatorial practice with Cody Frei in 62nd Dimension or vise versa?

BM: I can get excited about the quiet visual explosion that happens when I put this next to that on a piece of paper. It’s alchemical; I can combine two elements in a drawing that, together, create a sensation that the elements did not create independently, and then I relish the joy of those things sizzling in a new light. Curating for the 62nd Dimension is similar to that. Cody and I find art we like, then we have fun throwing different works into the ring together, enjoying the birth of whatever new creature is birthed from that commingling.
*********
check out Ben’s Involvement:
62nd Dimension
Ben Miller

Artist Interview Series-Scott Reeder

Because I realize that you the reader doesn’t always want to hear everything I’m up to all the time and I don’t always want to talk about what I’m doing either I have decided to start an Artist Interview Series. I will interview five artists with five questions and hopefully this will give my blog a break from my rants. The first artist I interviewed was Scott Reeder.

Bloody Mouth

Scott Reeder is a painter, curator, filmmaker, and professor living in Chicago. His work has included involvement in founding the innovative website zerotv.com, curating the “Drunk Vs. Stoned” exhibitions, creating the Milwaukee International Art Fair, establishing Club Nutz (the world’s smallest comedy club), filming the soon to be released feature-length motion picture “Moon Dust”, as well as his paintings being added to the Saatchi collection. His paintings are snarky and humorous takes on modernist ideas and challenge the presumably over-educated art viewers in a fresh and sarcastic manner. Besides all of that I decided to ask Scott about his new and divergent work using pasta, the barriers he is trying to break down with “Moon Dust”, why he chooses to be involved with Milwaukee, and the challenges he faced becoming an established artist.

CW:Your work deals a lot with the expectations and the conventions of what art typically is. You break these down and reform them with your paintings as well as your curatorial work. Though I have only seen the short clip of “Moon Dust” on the internet, what are you intending to address with this soon to be released feature-length film?

SR:In the last few years there has been a lot of talk about how new digital technologies have made film making much more accessible and with that increased accessibility there is the possibility of expanding the range of voices making films. I guess I really believed this hype and thought what would happen if I tried to make a feature length movie for really cheap but one that was as ambitious as a lot of Hollywood movies as far as the scope of the production and level of fantasy and detail.

My other motivation for the film I think came out of a reaction to how much recent contemporary art has become completely dependent on referencing pop culture. I thought what would happen if instead of making art about a movie or TV show you made your own.Moon Dust is a fully realized world that definitely relates to my paintings and sculpture. It can also be seen as an extension of some of my curatorial projects that have a strong collaborative element.

I’m not using trained actors and while some of the film is tightly scripted ,there has also been a lot of improvisation and collaboration with the actors. Some of my influences for the project are the films of Jacques Tati and Jean Cocteau, mid-century architecture and buildings from the 1970s like Kurokawa Nakagin’s Capsule Tower and television shows from the 60’s like The Prisoner.

CW:You are a part of the bigger art world but you also choose to show work in Milwaukee, a lesser known player in the whole art scheme. In a lot of ways you are similar to David Robbins who also chooses to stray away into Milwaukee. However Robbin
s chose to leave the larger dialogue for a smaller, more “authentic” one. What are your reasons for dwelling between these two realms?

SR:
David Robbins was one of my professors when I went to graduate school and he was definitely a big influence, He helped reaffirm a hunch that I also had that the midwest is actually a really interesting and unique place and it’s valuable in it’s separation from the coasts.
From a town like Milwaukee you can get perspective about what is going on in the rest of the world without being overwhelmed by it or ending up being too reactionary. You can build your own world.

CW:What were the biggest struggles you faced trying to make a living on the artwork that you create and sharing it with a larger audience?

SR:Being an artist is really hard. It’s really difficult to get that first big opportunity that will expose your work to a large audience. And if you are lucky enough to get that chance and do something that people respond to, it’s even harder to keep people interested in what you do.
My teaching job at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago has been a great grounding force in my career and helped keep me really engaged with art through different ups and downs in my career.

American Dick


Untitled, 2010


CW:I notice that your most recent spaghetti and lentil paintings are drastically different from your more humorous and well known paintings. Where do you see this type of approach taking you, are you considering staying in this direction or was this a divergence that has stayed its welcome?

SR:I would like to pursue the new work which I’m really excited about and have lots of new ideas for- I think this work still deals with humor albeit a more subtle variety. At the same time, I’m still making the other kind of image based paintings and they seem to be getting better and better so I have no plans of stopping that kind of work either. I think there are many contemporary painters working now that have really varied and expansive practices with seemingly really different directions pursued at the same. I’m just one more person working like this.

Snake on Phone


CW:You’ve played a little bit with this dichotomy of “drunk or stoned”. You’ve curated shows that express that an artist can either be hyper emotional in the way they work or hyper sensitive and in a few instances a little bit of both. From your work I kind of get the feeling that you’re both drunk and stoned, especially with the expression of the cooked or uncooked spaghetti. So which is it, are you drunk, stoned, or krunked?

SR:I’m not sure what the exact definition of krunk is- I’ve heard the rapper Lil’ Jon talk about it while yelling “WHAT?”. So I definitely like the idea of yelling “WHAT?” as much as possible, so I guess I’m krunked.
*************
added some new links to the side bar, make sure to check em out.
Moth Marriage
Matt Plain

Diorama of the American Museum

I haven’t posted in a while and thats because I have been working on planning my final thesis project. Without revealing too much of my plans, I am creating a full scale diorama of a museum. This isn’t just any museum but rather a mix of all the museums that ever have been and its called the Place and Time Museum. Within the museum are large scale murals, satirical exhibits, an introductory video featuring the curator, and plenty of misleading information. This Diorama is trying to cut down the incredibility of the supposed credible information givers that infest our American culture with bias and agenda in everything they tell us to believe. Here are some possible display descriptions (again not revealing too much, you’ll just have to wait and see), mural designs, as well as a possible floor plan.
Holy Relics From a Holy Land
The United States has always had a rich religious background. Since the American constitution was signed, the United States has been a Christian nation and still remains so today. Christian Relics are a part of this diverse history, deeply entwined into the theology of American Christianism. The relics exhibited here are not only sacred to the American people but are symbols, for them, of their greatness and superiority in the ways of religious fervor and order. The shoelace of Jessica Lynch for example is a relic of a soldier of Christ who fell in battle defending God’s people.

A Head Hunter and His Trophies
The Place and Time Museum is very pleased to exhibit this piece, which is on loan from a private collector. For the very first time in forty years the public can see this very unique piece of jewelry. Usually a Headhunter necklace similar to this only features one or sometimes even two heads, but this piece contains four. The heads of dictators Saddam Hussein, President Ahmadinejad, Osama Bin Laden, and Ayatollah Khomeini are all interwoven into a spectacular display of early Headhunter Revenge Art. Though the original owner of this piece is unknown, researchers say they believe it is from the early Severe Terror Risk period because it was excavated at a site near Crawford, Texas, a known head hunting territory. Notice the beautiful detail of Ahmadinejad’s last dying grimace, simply remarkable.

Women are from Venus, Men Have a Penis
In 1873 the Institute of Gender Inferiority did extensive research into the subject of women’s fragility. After a series of tests in which subjects were exposed to radiation in different prescribed doses it was discovered that women tended to grow feline ears and whiskers similar to those of domestic pussycats while slowly withering away and perishing several days later. Men, however, had the resilience to stay alive with reduced motor skills, slurred incoherent speech, and a slumped “Neanderthal brow”. Scientists postulated that not only were female subjects too weak to withstand such a barrage but their brains are significantly smaller to that of the males. It was proven that males have the intelligence to overcome such situations whereas females clearly have a weaker will to live.

“False Civil War Imminence Era” Dueling Set (Caucasian, North America)
A dueling set like this was usually used by two individuals who disagreed over a matter so greatly that they could not resolve it with mere spoken words. A heated argument would then lead to the dishonor of someone eventually and then a duel would be called to settle their differences. The duelers would then use one of these sets supplied by a man who was not involved with the feud and would march off ten paces. At the end of ten paces the men would turn to each other and attempt to shout down the other. The first dueler to be knocked on conscious would then be ridiculed and the winner would be forgiven of all dishonors. These duels rarely solved anything but rather created more feuds.

The Resurrection of Blackbeard the Pirate
During the Era of Great Fear, a group of three Muslim Extremists from Somalia with ties to Al Quaida, Hezbollah, Suddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, and Timothy McVeigh stole the body of Blackbeard the Pirate from the conservation department’s walk-in freezer at the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles, California. The terrorists exported his decapitated body in a treasure chest, depicted here, to a Cryogenics lab in Roseville Minnesota. The group high jacked the lab’s scientists in the hopes that they could cryogenically preserve the pirate so that one day he could be brought back to life and terrorize the United States in the name of Islam. The plan was quickly foiled when Jessica Lynch, who was walking her dog near the lab at the time, heard loud noises from inside. She busted down a backdoor and tipped over a Cryotube containing Walt Disney crushing the terrorists to death. Lynch was proclaimed a hero, Blackbeard’s body was destroyed, and the Museum of Tolerance was shutdown by federal authorities.